Today was my day with my son. Mom has got a new job and now Im stuck with my son…or he is stuck with me rather. It’s not all fun and games I should tell you. That little fucker is dictating me full circle. Everywhere he goes and everything he does, I have to be there and I have to play along. I got to sit down for 10 minutes during the whole day, and that was only because I payed him off with ice cream. But it was a lot of fun to. Eventually I wore him down and when I wasn’t paying attention he nodded off in the pram.

I arrived one hour late for work. I don’t even bother anymore when I hear the alarm clock go off. Oh well. It’s been raining for two, or is it three days straight. I swear, I havent seen the sun for this long. It’s fucking terrible. Its like Im living in the land of Mordor or something. I dont feel like working on the music…surprise right? I dont even know where I left it and where to pick it up. Its not like anyone really cares either. Its not like people are banging on my door asking me for the new record. But really I dont care. Is anyone reading this? I dont care. Fuck you if you are.

I tried to get out of bed for an hour and a half. This darkness that lays its blanket over this country every winter is depressing, and it makes me very tired. A normal reaction to darkness I guess is to sleep. I had to endure work which was a fucking pain. But I got through it quite well. Better than usual. If only I could get a shot of doing what I love the most, to play music. I dont need the rock star thing, the drugs, the money. It has nothing to do with that. If only I could get my shit straight, form a real band and get out on the road and make enough money to get around. On the other hand, I have a kid now, so thats not for me. Oh well. If I only could get this fucking album done. I havent done shit on it. I tried to write a song the other day but I couldnt even get that done.

It’s just me and my buddy JD
Were just sittin here talking about everything…anything
But I don’t seem to get much said at all
Cause hes doing all the talking

And I try to understand what he says to me
But it really makes no sense to me

I bought a pack of smokes today. I said to myself I wouldn’t. I thought I were in control, but obviously I’m not. My character is getting worse and worse by each year passing by. Oh well, at least I’m not shooting dope and flying high as a kite. Talking about drugs. I passed a guy up here where I live. It’s the second time I’ve seen him smoke dope. Or smelled it rather. You never forget that smell. It’s been years now but that smell sticks to your head. Even when you light a normal fucking smoke. I don’t miss it though. It never did me any good. Not on the creative side or ever. The drinking, well that’s another story. Maybe I’ll get into that later.

The music? Nothing going on right now. Hardly even picked up the guitar. No song writing and no recording. I just want to wrap this album but I can’t seem to get anything done at all. Just reading. That’s what I do. I finished the heroin diaries of Nikki Sixx and now I’m moving on to Eric Clapton. After that it’s Slash and then Aerosmith. I hope inspiration will come back.